sunnuntai 4. syyskuuta 2011

I made a big mistake yesterday evening as I watched most of my old pictures through. It took me more than an hour (and a glass of wine) and even though it was lovely to flick them through and being able to revisit certain moments, it made me a little bit sad and melancholic too. After I had flicked them through I guess it felt it was a big mistake to watch them all because all those great moments I had had seemed so distant as if they would have been something that had happened such a long time ago. It was almost like some things would have been part of my previous life in some sense, and I guess they indeed were. And I was missing them. Or no, I wasn't missing them, I was happy that I had them and I had met all those people, but I don't know. This might sound strange now, but I had this feeling of "if I would only have known how many great things there were to come when I was sad".

I've been thinking about this a lot this year; why is it so hard to let go of something? I mean I was so much looking forward a change in my life six months ago, and it did happen, but I don't feel the change as strongly as I thought I would have felt once it would actually happen. seriously, will I flick through my pictures again in three years time and have the same sadness and melancholy in me and think to myself how little I knew then. Maybe I will, I don't know.

Sorry, I don't know where this sudden strike of sadness came from all of the sudden. It is not even that time of the month for goodness sake! I mean I'm satisfied with everything at the moment (see the wording satisfied...), not overly happy or glad, which makes me wonder if I'm actually a little bit lonely. I have lived with other people for the past four years and this summer I have lived on my own and I have caught myself pondering the same thing in a few other occasions as well; am I lonely?  Is this loneliness? Is it really that I am feeling lonely or is it just that once you have been used to something and it changes then you feel misplaced? Who knows. Well, I'm sure I will survive through this sudden feel of "loneliness" quite perfectly :) I just have to go out and see someone! Action plan sorted.

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